I’m past my own warfare
I’m past the struggles of my muddled mind, though I am too proud to admit it’s the only constant in my life.
I’m past wasting my gaze on an impossible phase, can’t keep my eyes from gazing at that one stranger with a beautiful face, tell myself it’s a waste, tell myself this journey isn’t going to anyplace.
In the past I would have called myself a disgrace – wasting emotions of such an empty and fruitless attraction – but I cannot deny the way it gives satisfaction – everything is like a stranger with a beautiful face.
I am past being unconscious to the enjoyment of living in lack – unrequited feelings of wanting what I cannot have.
I am past the circles and debates, thinking fate is out of my hands and yet still wasting time, song after song, daydream after daydream, coming up with more fantasies in a day because they are the only things keeping me awake.
I am past the old ways of spending day after day craving the fix of isolation and lacking the one thing that could give satisfaction – so much rejection in my mind all because I never tried.
I am past exhaustion, trying to answer my own questions to no avail, though wisdom has taught me to prevail.
I am past the point of being scared to fail, all those abandoned dreams that never set sail, or else were wrecked on a stormy night, when the might of the heart finally won over the disillusioned mind.
I am past being lost in the future and in between the present and the past, not quite sure how long this will last.
I am past this suspension of my own intervention when all I wanted was something beyond what I could have in his lifetime at least, yet still I cannot help but feel like there is a missing piece that won’t be filled – no person, place, or thing has been able to close the gap and mend this so-called crack.
I am past the present and the future for in this moment there is no place better than quiet solitude as the ideal suitor.