I Am Past

I’m past my own warfare

I’m past the struggles of my muddled mind, though I am too proud to admit it’s the only constant in my life.

I’m past wasting my gaze on an impossible phase, can’t keep my eyes from gazing at that one stranger with a beautiful face, tell myself it’s a waste, tell myself this journey isn’t going to anyplace.

In the past I would have called myself a disgrace – wasting emotions of such an empty and fruitless attraction – but I cannot deny the way it gives satisfaction – everything is like a stranger with a beautiful face.

I am past being unconscious to the enjoyment of living in lack – unrequited feelings of wanting what I cannot have.

I am past the circles and debates, thinking fate is out of my hands and yet still wasting time, song after song, daydream after daydream, coming up with more fantasies in a day because they are the only things keeping me awake.

I am past the old ways of spending day after day craving the fix of isolation and lacking the one thing that could give satisfaction – so much rejection in my mind all because I never tried.

I am past exhaustion, trying to answer my own questions to no avail, though wisdom has taught me to prevail.

I am past the point of being scared to fail, all those abandoned dreams that never set sail, or else were wrecked on a stormy night, when the might of the heart finally won over the disillusioned mind.

I am past being lost in the future and in between the present and the past, not quite sure how long this will last.

I am past this suspension of my own intervention when all I wanted was something beyond what I could have in his lifetime at least, yet still I cannot help but feel like there is a missing piece that won’t be filled – no person, place, or thing has been able to close the gap and mend this so-called crack.

I am past the present and the future for in this moment there is no place better than quiet solitude as the ideal suitor.




A dreaming state

In a dreaming state

Questioning whether it was just my imagination or fate

The countless times I pondered, analysed and debated

Over you

Through thunder and rain, or sunshine and blue

The stars even brought you to my mind

But you were always there, in reality, because I made it be

To see and to be seen

To linger in those rare moments of your presence

It was my own undoing

From the ink on your upper back to the symbol on your ankle

I saw it all and yet continued to stay in the dark

Too afraid to light that match and ignite the truth

For you to me are nothing but fleeting beings

Remaining unseen at least that’s what I know deep down to be

In a dreaming state

Yet through the night I stay wide awake until the early hours of the dawn

As the sunrises and my day becomes compromised

I will not be your wife

I will not be your light

And you will not be mine

No matter how much the daydreams and illusions arise

We come and go with the ebb and flow

You have your life and I have mine

Yet I thank you in secret silence nonetheless

Because of the paths that I took

The curiosity you inspired

And the way you opened a door to a new world that I could love and admire

You lit the fire

You ignited the match in the darkness

Even if your gaze was locked on a screen

Even if you went by with ease and unseen radiance and calm

With you inked sun on your back to the symbol on your ankle

To the sparkling flint of the silver chain around your neck

Even if every inch of you was perfect

Better for there to be nothing to reject

And I finally awake from this dreaming state

That I was responsible for all along

No right or wrong

It was just you

That caused the heart to beat like a drum

Sending tingles through my fingers and toes

Finally my eyes and heart can be free from you

But still the thanks must be bestowed on to you

The one and only with an unseen spell impossible to repel

No more dreaming state

No more debates or questions

For I take my leave of this adoration that was of my own creation

Even if you are and will always be a symbol of perfection.

You enjoy and live a full life of happiness and love, arm in arm with someone to call your own, that can make any place feel like home

It shall not ever be me

For finally now I am free.



Heart and soul wide awake as the brain slumbers on within the forest of dreams

With the torrential reign of unconscious desires pouring down

All of which have been set a blaze ever since catching sight of your gaze

Now it’s on repeat, waiting for the next moment for you to appear

Watch me run, because all we can live for is the thrill

Because of the will and the mindset

Everything else is erased

Even at 3AM when the nation slumbers on

Here I will remain, heart and soul raising questions with each beat

Recalling the time when I stopped without caught and gazed up just as you arrive, headlights ablaze even in broad daylight

Oh that sensation and the sight

Keeping the heart and soul wide awake at 3AM

It gets better with the anticipation

The expectant and knowledge you will be there

A little early or late, makes no matter, heart and soul always knows without fear or doubt

How did it come to be that you’re the goal and the agenda

Whatever you wish

I will know without hesitation or doubt

Despite the shadows lingers even at 3AM

Call it a sin, call it salvation, call it the wake up siren to start a revolution

This is evolution of a heart and soul that cannot rest or slumber

It’s racing on as though chased by thunder

Like a dark paradise with you on my mind,

It’s almost as if Lana Del Rey wrote that lie

Better play some hits on repeat even if it is 3AM

No hurry or rush to sleep, the brain can slumber on

But so long as your remain the goal and the prize

The heart and soul can never rest

Not sight catching the sight of you

Justifying that nickname I gave you

Being the question and the answer

Being the reason why I suddenly understand what the heck all these singer songwriters were going on about


Come drive by and wake my brain up again.


They called him Jim

Tall and thin with a manner that made trust easy and comforting like a cooling breeze.

Not a man without his sins but goodness remained even when surrounded by slander and distain.

Intelligence is his safe and his shield even if at time too much or too little was revealed.

They called him Jim

Through the ages he had always been in between two options neither good or bad

Yet whichever choice was made he was held to the price that was to be paid

Feet remained firmly on the ground, conviction and dedication always profound in ways that could astound.

Neither a hero or a villain, whether listening to some records by Bob Dylan, or filing the line at an ever growing queue

There was a special element about the man they called Jim that inspired confidence and concern whenever I saw him.

They called him Jim

Not a man without goodness or sin

Always on the steady path even if certain decisions lead to a turbulent aftermath

True to his words and rare ever absurd,

He accomplished a great deal and one day in the future a time will come when he May be more than just a fellow called Jim,

And become the James he always had been.

But for now he’s just a man called Jim

Count your lucky stars if you ever get to see him.

Skinny Jeans

Skinny jeans and a sweater

Ain’t nothing more that can make a heart skip quicker

Acceleration and anticipation in the midst of unavoidable precipitation

A single look and it is complete and utter devastation

A figure of perfection at least to my frontal lobe, completely adsorbed

Skinny jeans and a sweater

With jet black hair that should mere blue underneath these lights

Like something out of a fantasy

Lost in the times you have inspired and guided without being aware

I opened my eyes for the first time and caught a glimpse of you

The unprecedented domino effect that was you

Skinny jeans and a sweater

For once eyes linger elsewhere and not locked on a screen

Engrossed in watching your favorite thing

The level of questions is obscene the torrent of answers that linger around you

Lost in the sight, lost in the image that is of you

Dashing from head to toe

I never believed until my eyes caught sight of you

Skinny jeans and a sweater

Silver SUV in the parking lot that you race along the highway making the heart sway

Now I’m searching for a map to find a way out

Yet still end up getting lost in your presence

Out of sight and out of mind

Not even looking and yet you keep appearing

No longer warranting the urge of disappearing

Skinny jeans and a sweater

Or else navy and black with hints of neon green

You’re the greatest masterpiece I have ever seen

Even if your eyes are usually fixed on the screen.

In another universe

In another universe there would be courage

In another universe you wouldn’t be on my mind

In another universe I would have the courage to try

In another universe there would be a sign or a hint to catch your eye

Not solely as we past each other by, or I hold the door open for you to hear your kind thank you.

In another universe I would ask you a question

In another universe there would be an opportunity to know you

In another universe nine months wouldn’t have gone by without us passing each other by

Even when you’re not there my mind behaves like you are

Near or far, I am at a loss

In another universe you wouldn’t rule yet here I sit pondering why I am a fool

Changed the melody, changed the key, yet all the while your eyes are fixed on your screen

Or doing your usual routine as per, in the evenings even on a valentine’s night

You’re always an unexpected sight to see, a thing of beauty

In another universe I would make a move, even to pass a letter or note, an invitation

But the danger is there and I don’t want to disturb or perturb you in anyway

No matter how much our paths cross from the weights to the elliptical machine

To opposite ends of a swimming pool

Congratulations, I dived in because of you.

In another universe you wouldn’t linger on my mind for close to a year.

In another universe I would be free and have to courage to dismiss you

Instead I find myself counting down the days until you come by

In another universe

Snow White

Snow White

Found myself caught in the headlights

Surrendering logic and reason

So long as you are near

So long as you are here

Starting the ignition

Searching for permission

Just to fulfil this mission

You’re perfect in imperfect ways

In ways I cannot explain

You’re the antidote to everything I held in vain

Through silence and stillness

Here I remain immersed

Snow White

Standing board and tall

From the strength of shoulders down to the tips of your toes

Why did I have to see it all

The black ink crafted into a shining sun

Eyes like the darkest of nights filled with soulful stars

Wait to the age of cliche, where I am Venus and you are Mars

To say I wish I could stay or find some words to say, or have you approach once more

Instead only memories remain, unconditional and forevermore

The potential was there to be a thing to adore

It’s becoming too obvious

Snow White

Standing board and tall

What would be given to follow your path, to bare your joys and your wrath, the sadness and any pain

To endure it all

Your strength and mystery

All things I wish I could know

Snow White

Tonight I saw a sight so clear

Never before and yet I stood tall

Trying to figure out where you came from and why you continue to linger on

In my mind, always nearby

Until you leave and I am left wondering why, I still cannot get you out of my mind

Snow White

The conductor of this peaceful storm

Board shoulders and dark hair

The trace of a black design resembling the sun’s shine

Perfect in Imperfect ways

Whether dressed in navy and black, head inclined and eyes locked on a screen

Or else lost in thought and reminiscing

Why is it always you I end up missing

Snow White

You’re an unforgettable sight

And thought the moments are long gone, never to become anything more

Still I wish in silence

We could become more

As you once mentioned

That left a curious heart on the floor

Snow White

You’re a delight

A perfect imperfection

Taking breath away even with a single glance in a particular direction.